Died Long Ago
by LoStInTrAnZiT
Summary: In the dark hours between trying to convince Lelouch to stop this, beg him not to do this and clutching at the smoke that is their future Suzaku is falling, into his lover and into the destiny Lelouch has laid for them


Died So Long Ago

''Why do you always do this?'' Lelouch's anger thunders of one wall to the next until Suzaku feels like the whole house is full of his fury. The heavy curtains are drawn on the windows fogged with midnight, candels pulsing an orange light that never reaches the corners and here, in their world cloaked in half truths and un-speakable questions they fight against a fate neather one could ever change.

But Suzaku still tried, god how he tried until the sun came up and went back down again. He tried to convince his lover to have mercy on him and take back the syth Lelouch had given him for the shoul purpose of killing him with it.

''If i asked you of such a thing would you do it?'' Suzaku yelled back, 'would you strike me down on a stage for the good of a broken world'  
He watched Lelouch closely, those star bright lilac eye's narrow at the corners and his pointed chin rise.  
''I would,'' his voice is final and as quiet as the silence around them. Suzaku feels the violent impulse to hurt Lelouch, dig up enough pain until their faces both shone with equal emounts of it, instead he twisted his fists tight against his thighs.

Lelouch, as always made to turn away but Suzaku wasn't done, he would never be done right down to the very execution date. And with that thought alone, the image of a gillatene blade falling down past the bone and blood of Lelouch's neck he felt desperation take hold.  
''I'm not done with you yet!'' He stormed after the other boy, reaching out to grab a handful of the heavy white cloaks that swomped him from neck to knee. But the black blurr of hair and the sharp twist of his body sent Suzaku stumbling back. This is what he imagined Lelouch's face to look like when incased in the hard mask of Zero.  
''Well i am done with you, i will not discuss this with you any more Suzaku,'' his friend seethed,''it is not your choice to make.''

He stalked away again and again Suzaku followed.  
''Not my choice to make!' He hissed in disbelief,' wether or not i murder someone will always be my choice Lelouch'  
''Except when it's orderered from you,' Lelouch un-hooked the white cloak and tossed it from him, now on the other side of the fore poster bed. On the sheets a fine patern the colour of rubies traced the cotton like rain and when Lelouch colapsed back onto it, arm slung over his eye's the image it cast made Suzaku's heart stumble. ''Please....please,'' without warning the fire inside of him had gone and the gems of green that were his eye's filled with a vast emount of tears. He would never stop crying for them and all they would loose. Suzaku placed one knee beside Lelouch's hip on the bed to lean over and pull the arm blocking the view of his eye's.

What he sore there, half dipped in shadows and purple made the tears fall fast and endless. Lelouch was silently begging him as much as Suzaku was, only now with his hand threatening to snap the wrist grasped between his fingers could he trully feel the life in Lelouch, feel his need to have it ingulf him. He wanted the extrems of it, for that life to over fill around him. He wanted to hear Lelouch laugh hard enough to weep and weep hard enough to laugh, he wanted to see him dance wildly on the back drop of a storm and hear one more awfuly sung song echoing through the bathroom. Lelouch's eye's slipped closed and it was as if a door had slammed in Suzaku's face because he could not close his eye's, not even when the moment came when he would have to feel the give of flesh and muscle vibrate up the weight of his sword.

He felt his strength finally give as it so often did when exseptance was heavy on his shoulders yet his mind still squirmed with refusal and all of a sudden he was falling right into Lelouch. As his heavier body hit the frail one beneath him and Suzaku felt as much as heared the small heave of breath leave Lelouch as if it had been from his own lungs, the greif struck mercilusly again.

Lelouch's hand, his touch somewhere on his back already felt like the brush of a ghost and was it him or was every second making his heart break once more? Suzaku was blinded, so far had he burrowed into his lovers neck to muffle the un-stopable sobs and inhale the musks of a pulse.  
''What are you doing to me?'' He barley whispered, because the broken never seemed to be able to match the loudness of the pain inside of them so instead ended up silent.

Lelouch was hushing him like a child, stroking the softest part of his hair at the nape of his neck and nudging the secret place behind Suzaku's ear with his nose.

''I'm taking you,'' Lelouch whispered back,'' one last time.''

Suzaku drew back because this was his que, the part he was to play and he met Lelouch's lips with the practise of a well tuned actor. Everything he had learned had been from the boy in his arms. And all of a sudden he was the one holding Lelouch, relishing the silk of the odd exposed patch of skin at his collar bone or neck as the intensity crushed them to each other.

Suzaku twisted his finger in jaded black hair, keeping his eye's closed tight for once and forced everything he could not speak aloud into a bruising kiss. One that almost brought blood welling in their mouth's before Lelouch opened his and Suzaku's tounge swept it away. The spongey flesh, damp as baby's breath and hot as Rabbit's fur he found inside Lelouch alway's amazed him, alway's kept him there when denial tried to drag him away.

In the back of his mind Suzaku reasoned, in a way that killed him just as thoroghly that it would be such a waste of time running thin if he did hide from Lelouch. He didn't know who moaned or who took of who's cloths and he hated the fact that he seemed to of blanked out on all the little details inbetween. He only opened his eye's when the dark haired boy was naked bellow him, twisting up towards him in a way that pleaded release.

So Suzaku gave it to him in his sorrowful way, dipping his head to suck a hardened nipple into his mouth and feel the pebbles of skin scrape his teeth. Lelouch shuddered from his body to his shoul and right into his lover until they were both trembling again. Thin arms intwined around his neck and the dark haired boy's legs slowly tangled around his waste with a strength that alway's showed itself.

As Suzaku lined the tip of his errection against his lover's opening, finger's still delicatly playing along the other's length he pushed forward and all the wild thoughts of the restless seemed to still in him. If not for a moment. Lelouch keened, low and high, bending his chest up to touch off Suzaku's as his shoulder's dug wings into the mattress. They were both rendered breathless, squeezed into one another until full yet startlingly hungry.

''Move,'' Lelouch ground out, toes curling in a crease of the bed sheets before lifting his knee's and trying to push Suzaku further into him. The pain was the remision before the symphany, the long dry wait before the drops of summer rain. Suzaku, caged between lilly white thighs and the paddings of his lover's insides cried out and felt his hips jerk them forward.

Finger's fisted in his hair, in the sheet's, in his back and his shoulders and they thrashed against each other as a worm would with it's hook. And when Suzaku felt a thumb smooth down the pained expression on his face and rest beneath his eye he opened them, staring into Lelouch as he thrust forward as close as he would ever get, drew almost out only to drive back into him again.

A deep settlement was in those distant eye's and Suzaku realized it was the tears that fell from his own eye's that rolled down Lelouch's face. Then those eye's closed to him and his beautiful mask tensed as everything inside of them stopped yet burst from them all at once. Inside of Lelouch and between their heaving torso's.

Once again Suzaku felt like time had jumped slightly and he was lying beside Lelouch, having no recolection of ever removing himself from inside of him. They had caught their breaths, sullen and sullied and when that orgasmic after glow would fade Suzaku knew it would feel more like the end than it ever had. So he slipped beneath the covers, turning on his side and drawing his arms around the slight frame of his friend.

A squeelching sounded between them as they clung to one another, Lelouch slightly slidding against the slick flesh he pawed at. It was not so sad to realize they would probably never be able to get as close as they wanted to one another but that they would never have the chance to try.  
''Suzaku,'' Lelouch murmered into the boy's shoulder.  
''Yes?'' Suzaku questioned, as hung as sheet's and criminals from their nooses.  
''You already know i love you so i want you to understand that it's ok to hate me, hate me until it hurts'  
Suzaku's breath caught on the lie in his throat and promptly died their,''yes, i do hate you for killing me and making me kill you but that will fade eventually. I will alway's love you'  
-Even when the world looks an as i deal the final blow that takes you away from me. 


End file.
